What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
