this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
you would pick up someone in the library
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
