I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
