Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
