Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
