I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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