awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
