I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Randomize
