I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
she told me i tasted like america
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Randomize
