3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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