I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
