I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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