i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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