I got chris browned last night
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
