...so i touched it.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
