Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
