I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
