WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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