My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
