Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I need to stop coming to work sober
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
