"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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