My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
