My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
