Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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