can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
