you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
