That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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