also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
