i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
