He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
