I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
