Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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