also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
