I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Randomize
