the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
