people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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