My nipple is on Facebook.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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