I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
