Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
