guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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