Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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