I love having hate sex.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
