Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
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