I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
