what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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