happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
