barbara walters just said penis...
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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