I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
