i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
