Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
