sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
