She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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