I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
worst night to have a conscience
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
