Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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