She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
