toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
